Guilt
by ladydelirium
Summary: [oneshot] John stumbles across Rogue with her guard down and finds himself inadvertantly acting as her confidant for a night. Pairings: JohnRogue implied BobbyJohn and BobbyRogue


**Warning** for a bit of swearing including a couple of F-words, some kissing, implications of a relationship between two males and implications of a relationship between a male and a female. If any of these things offend you don't read it.

**Characters/Pairings: **John/Rogue (implied Bobby/John and Bobby/Rogue)

**Disclaimer:** Not mine.

**Notes:** This is the first time I've written John/Rogue, actually this is the first fanfic I've written that was het. So let me know how I did?

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He should have just minded his own business. Ordinarily he would have just ignored it and kept walking but no, tonight he had to let decency or maybe just curiosity get the better of him.

She was sitting on the floor leaning against the couch in the rec room. The door was partly ajar but considering it was 3.30 in the morning she probably thought that she'd be alone. He stood in the doorway watching for a few moments. Her hair was lose, falling down past her shoulders, white strands falling in her face. She wasn't wearing gloves, this was the first time he'd seen her without them. It was weird, like she was missing a body part. Pale fingers moved to wipe at her eyes, she bit her lip as another small sob broke free. He couldn't help feeling like he was witnessing something he shouldn't be. Rogue worked hard to keep her shields up at all times, she'd probably been waiting for the chance to break down in privacy, without having to deal with concerned friends and false comforts. He understood that.

As if sensing his presence she bowed her head and wiped all traces of tears from her face then turned to face the door.

"Hey, Johnny." She smiled and he thought that if it weren't for the fact he'd just seen it he'd never know she'd been crying. He had to respect that.

"Hey, I was just passing by." If she wanted to pretend everything was ok then that was more than fine with him, the last thing John wanted to be was Rogue's councillor, hell she already had people lined up for that job.

"At 3 am?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Actually it's closer to 3.30. I was just going to get a drink and I heard...someone in here." He really wanted to leave this conversation now.

"Oh, ok." She looked down at the floor briefly, realising that he knew just what she'd been doing. Despite the fact that he claimed hatred of Rogue he really had nothing against her except her choice of boyfriend so he decided that now was one of the few times he was going to be a decent human being. Or mutant being, no that sounded weird, he'd stick with human for now.

"You wanna come?" He really hoped she'd say no, that way he'd done the right thing by offering but didn't have to actually do anything.

"Ok." Damn.

They sat at the kitchen counter in silence, sipping at lukewarm soda and looking everywhere but at each other. Rogue kept her hands wrapped around her bottle and very close to her body. She drew them closer still when she saw his gaze moving over the exposed skin, like she felt self conscious. He couldn't blame her for that really, he noticed the way that everyone, even Bobby, always seemed to keep a measured distance between themselves and Rogue. He didn't see what the big deal was, from what he'd heard it took a couple of seconds for her powers to kick in and a few more for her to really drain someone, so why did everyone act as though accidentally brushing against her was going to kill them?

"I think he's cheating on me." She spoke so suddenly it nearly made him jump but so quickly he didn't register what she said.

"What?" Well any conversation should be better than the silence.

"Bobby. I think he's cheating on me." He was wrong.

"What makes you think that?" He hoped he was keeping a poker face here, tone of voice aiming for mildly bemused interest.

"It's just that sometimes when we're together I get the feeling he's thinking about someone else. I mean that could just be me being paranoid." John just nodded along, despite his heart beating a little faster. "But sometimes he acts really nice,"

"Well it is Bobby we're talking about."

"I know how that sounds, but it's like, extra nice, like he feels guilty." She tossed her hair back, it looked almost black in the dim light, the white locks a striking contrast. "I sound paranoid, don't I?" Was this the part where he was meant to reassure her that she had nothing to worry about?

"Um a little." She smiled at that and John couldn't help feeling guilty.

"God, I know it's ridiculous, and Bobby ain't like that but I just can't shake that feeling, ya know?" She's got good instincts, she should learn to trust them more. "Johnny, I know you're his best friend but please, is there anything I should be worried about?"

"I've honestly never seen him with anyone else and he sure as hell hasn't mentioned any thing to me." He wasn't lying, not really. He shouldn't be the one who feels bad, he was here first. She smiled again. She really was beautiful, maybe he shouldn't hold it against Bobby so much that he wants to be with her. But John does a lot of things he shouldn't.

She looks almost convinced, or at least convinced enough for now. He hoped she was anyway. John prided himself on being brutally honest, most people wouldn't think it, but he did. Of course he has no problem bending the rules of when to apply that honesty but as far as he's concerned a don't ask don't tell policy is perfectly acceptable. Now she's breaking the rules and asking. John may not like to follow other people's rules but he didn't like his own to be broken.

"I wouldn't really blame him. If he was." She sounded almost cautious as she said this, like she didn't want to push share too much in case she wore out her welcome to him as a confidant. John remained silent and just watched her as she spoke. As much as he didn't want to be involved in this conversation he couldn't help feeling slightly flattered that she was choosing to talk to him about this stuff, it's not like they're close friends or anything. It could just be because he caught her with her guard down, not because she thinks he's trust worthy. He'd rather think that anyway, it made the guilt that was starting to eat away at his stomach lessen a little.

"Maybe I shouldn't take it personally, he's a guy, guy's have needs. I can't fulfill them so should I give him permission or something? To go to someone who can?" He almost wanted to say yes. It'd make his life easier, Bobby wouldn't go slinking out of his bed like a dog that knows it's done something wrong and John could go back to feeling like he's the one who's the victim in this. Right then he felt like the whore. He looked back at her face, her expression practically begging him to say no, to say that she deserves someone who loves her and only her for who she is. It's not surprising that she needed someone else to say it, he was sure that it didn't mean anything when she's said it to herself anymore. It was surprising how much they had in common. Well it's not like his integrity was going to survive this night anyway. He said it.

She looked down and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, obviously trying not to let him see the smile that broke out at his words. Not wanting him to know how much she needed to hear them. God, he hated feeling this bad, he'd always been a means to an end kind of guy, if he got what he wanted too bad for anyone who also wanted it. Not that he actually had what he wanted, not really. Neither did Rogue. He really wasn't sure what possessed him to do it but suddenly he was standing beside her, his hand was moving out to touch hers. Rogue jumped to her feet, instantly pulling away from him.

"John, what are you doing?" She sounded scared, but there was an edge of excitement to her voice. He moved closer to her, this time running his thumb down her arm. Rogue looked torn between running away and moving into his touch, he felt her shivering slightly as his nail traced an invisible line over her bare skin. He pulled his hand away slowly when he started to feel a pull that he figured was her powers kicking in. She looked up at him with wide eyes, as though afraid he was going hold it against her or something. He laughed and stroked her cheek, her eyes fluttered closed, her breathing getting heavier as he traced the lines of her lips. He kept contacted a little longer this time, letting some of himself be pulled into her but not enough to make him do more than gasp a little breathlessly.

"Are you alright?" She asked softly. He grinned.

"I'm better than alright, I always did like a little pain."

Her hands moved hesitantly to rest on his shoulders and she pulled close. She did it slowly but he didn't mind letting her set the pace. She started to move in for a kiss but pulled away before their lips actually touched. John let his fingers brush against hers.

"It's ok. You don't have to worry about hurting me."

She pressed her lips against his quickly, and forcefully enough to surprise him, pushing him back against the fridge. Her hands were moving all over his body, mostly over clothing but every now and then running over his bare skin. He could feel her powers activating, could feel himself being sucked away from him and into her but he didn't break the kiss. Rogue pulled away suddenly, gasping for breath. John sagged against the fridge for support, inhaling deeply to get his breath back. She looked down at her hands then back at him. Her smile faltered a bit.

"Oh god, John, we..I shouldn't have done that."

"Come on, Rogue, I'm not that bad." He knew it wasn't about that.

"No, I mean, it was great." She smiled again briefly before going back to looking upset. "Bobby. I'm with Bobby. Fuck, I accuse him of cheating and now I'm the one who does it." Now she knew how he was feeling.

"I'd better go." She practically bolted for the door but paused "Thank you, Johnny."

"No problem." He wasn't sure what she was thanking him for, the way he saw it he'd just made her situation worse.

"Really, thank you." She ran her fingers lightly over her lips disappearing into the dark corridor. He wondered how long it had been since she'd been touched.

He wandered back to his room, slipping inside quietly. He went to get into his bed and was surprised to find Bobby there. He got in beside him doing his best not to wake him. John stretched out on his side, his back to the sleeping form beside him. An arm stretched around his waist, pulling him closer. He sighed, leaning back into Bobby. He closed his eyes but he didn't think he was going to be getting any sleep that night.

The next day John found himself sitting around the rec room with Bobby, Rogue, Kitty and Jubilee. The latter two were chattering away about nothing in particular and didn't seem to notice the silence that had descended over the other three. Bobby kept shooting guilt ridden looks at Rogue whilst holding her gloved hand, Rogue was was better at hiding it but John could see how bad she was feeling and both were pointedly ignoring John. He still wasn't sure who the real victim was in this scenario, the only thing he knew for certain was that they all lose.


End file.
